Vinnieduck!
by Dark Knight Harkness
Summary: What happens when Aerith sends a machine unknown to AVALANCHE? Yuffie gets bored, fiddles with it and Vincent gets turned into, wait for it! A DUCK! Rated T to be safe. Slight Yuffentine
1. Newfound Playthings

**Vinnieduck**

A.N. I'm back! The plot bunnies have been keeping well away from me for ages! I think my cat has been eating them! Well, he is rather fat…. Anyway, this came to me over a misunderstanding with Lorze The Brookes. OK, lets do this thing! Vinnie, would you do the honours?

Vinnie: OK. Dark Knight Harkness does not own Final Fantasy VII or any of the characters in it.

DKH: But I wish I did!

Vinnie: Quiet you! (ties DKH to a chair and starts to smother her with a pancake)

"speaking"

'thinking'

* * *

Chapter 1 - Newfound Playthings

Cloud was walking aroung the Forgotten City of the Ancients. He had heard from Reeve that some of his missing materia that the three silver-haired men had stolen was still around. So he had decided to see if he could find and salvage some of it.

Unfortunatly he hadnt found anything so far.

'Damn it' he thought whilst sitting next to the waters. It was a boring old routine back at 7th Heaven and things had become very tedious for him.

CRASH!

Cloud swivelled round and saw gun-like machine lying on the ground behind him with a label attached to it. He slowly stood up and walked towards the machine becoming wary of it.

Just as he reached the machine, he brought out his sword. He gently nudged the machine with it a couple of times. After declaring it safe, he knelt down and looked at the label. It read:

_Have fun!_

_Love Aerith_

He felt a knot form in his throat when he saw who it was from.

"Aerith, I don't know what _fun_ you have in store, but this thing better be safe," Cloud said aloud.

He picked up the machine and took it over to his bike, strapping it to his back all the while. He climbed onto the bike thinking very uneasy thoughts. Just as he set off for 7th Heaven, he thought he heard a women's laughter.

* * *

A.N. So what do you think? Sorry I didn't have anybody else in this chapter but don't worry, they are all in the next one (minus Nanaki, Reeve and Cait Sith. If anyone really wants Cait in this fic I will try to put him in but otherwise he won't be in) I debated long and hard about the machine being from Aerith and_ finally_ decided to put her in it. This will be slightly Yuffetine but not much. the next chppie will be up very very _**very**_ soon as I have it all planned and written. In the meantime I am going to plot to get my Vinnie somehow! Byzzi-bye!

Die and be free or live and fight your sorrow!

DKH


	2. Vinnieduck!

**Vinnieduck**

Chapter 2 – Vinnieduck!

(Disclaimer applies as in chapter 1)

* * *

"For once in my life, I do not trust that girl,"

"I'm inclined to agree," Vincent said towards Tifa. They were all sitting in the living room minus the presences of Reeve and Cait Sith, who were busy at the WRO, and Nanaki, who was busy at Cosmo Canyon.

They were all spread out across the room. Cloud, Tifa and Barret taking up the 3 seater, Cid and Shera on the 2 seater, Vincent on the plushy archair (he and Yuffie and argued over who sat in it but Vincent won with the comment "I am older and need more rest than you do" and Yuffie had replied "Too true, old man!" Vincent wasn't too happy at this comment) and Yuffie sitting cross-legged on the floor.

Yuffie started to fidgit as soon as the conversation started up again. To be honest, she only came here to be away from her father, Godo. He was trying to get her to pick another suitor_, again_. It was really annoyign. So, being as bored as she was, (which was indeed very bored) she shuffled slowly over to the machine, trying not to attract any attention from her friends. It worked. She was next to the machine. She popped her head up slightly to make sure no-one was watching.

Nope, nothing. Everyone was too engrossed in the boring conversation. So she started fiddling and tinkering with the machine, flicking switches and pressing buttons until it made a slight humming noise. She popped her head up again to make sure her messing hadn't caught anyones attention.

No-one had noticed again. She thought about who to aim it at. Vincent was nearest and plus she needed to get him back for making her sit on the floor. She searched the machine for a firing button to give Vincent his punishment. What punishment this would be, she had no idea, but knew that Aerith would not give them something she knew would kill anyone. She knew Yuffie would mess with it somehow, Yuffie always did. Finally she found a great big red button on the sideof the machine. She smirked in triumph.

'Thank you Aerith!' She thought as she yelled:

"Oh Vinnie!"

His head turned towards her. His eyes widened.

FLASH!

* * *

A.N. Mwahahahahahaha! CLIFFIE! I personally hate the damn things and why I put it in was just a spur of the moment. Anyway I will hopefully be writing the next chapter pretty soon, but you will have to excuse me with all of my school stuff. I go back in 2 days with a naff clip-on tie that looks like someone threw up on me! So you see that small button that says go on it? Click it and review! Thanks! Byeeeeeee!

DKH


	3. Feathers

**Chapter 3 – Feathers**

(Disclaimer same as in chapter 1)

Incessant giggling.

Incessant giggling is what Vincent heard when he woke up. That and Cid and Barrett's laughter. He wondered what everyone was laughing at.

He opened his eyes to see Tifa, Cloud and Shera looking down at him. He figured he was lying on the floor, as even sitting down he was eye level with them. He wondered why they were looking at him. It was only when Chaos started swearing that he remembered what happened.

Flashback

"_Oh Vinnie!"_

_He turned to see Yuffie pointing the machine at him. His eyes widened._

"_Oh sh--!" was all that could be heard from Chaos before…_

_Flash!_

End flashback

Well, he wasn't dead and nothing could be worse than death so he decided to ask what happened.

"What did she do?" Vincent asked, looking at Tifa. Cloud and Shera had very disturbed looks on their faces.

"Um, Vincent, if I tell you something you really don't want to hear, promise not to shoot me?" Tifa asked tentatively.

"Of cou…" Vincent was cut off by Yuffie shrieking:

"He can't shoot you because he's a DUCK!"

"Yuffie!" Tifa glared at her.

"I'm a WHAT!" Vincent glared at both Tifa and Yuffie. Yuffie started rolling around on the floor giggling and Tifa also glared at her.

"You're a duck. You know, swims in a pond and eats bread?" Tifa pointed out.

"I don't like bread."

Cid started choking.

"You (cough) fing do now (choke) mate!" he laughed. He was clearly enjoying Vincent's discomfort. Tifa started chuckling at Cid's choking. She turned back to Vincent, who was now sitting with his hands... sorry, his _wings _crossed and glaring at Yuffie. Barrett walked over to Vincent and knelt down.

"Whats it like being... (laughs) ... a duck!?" he laughed.

"Carry on and you will find out," was all that came from Vincent as he continued to stare at Yuffie.

"Yuffie, this is all your fault," Vincent accused.

Yuffie stood up and stamped her foot.

"How is this my fault?! I didn't know what it was gonna do!" She yelled. Vincent stood up, a little wobbly on his webbed feet.

"It's your fault," he intoned again.

Yuffie voiced her protest again.

"But Cloud...," she was cut off by Vincent saying:

"Your fault."

Yuffie crossed her arms and pouted a little.

"Ok... Vinnieduck!" she giggles. She then sneaks a look at Vincent. It was his 'I Know Where You Live Stare Of Death' look. She knew that look really well after the journey to kill Sephiroth with him. She ran screaming from the room with Vincent flying after her. Everyone stared after them.

"Shouldn't we be going after them?" Shera intoned.

"No, they'll work it out themselves," Cloud replied, just as a blood-curdling scream came from upstairs, "OK, Barrett, would you do the honours please?"

"My pleasure," Barrett replied, cracking his knuckles.

"Barrett..." Tifa warned. Barrett hung his head in shame then started to grin. He walked up the stairs to where Vincent had his wings around Yuffie. Yuffie was screaming that it tickled so Barrett grabbed Vincent and Yuffie adn dragged them both downstairs. He threw Yuffie onto the sofa and then (A.N Random I know! But I was thinking about this at 2o'clock so you can't blame me! Blame Lorze the Brookes!) found an old bird cage and put Vincent into it.

"I'm an ex-Turk. Let me out."

"You're a duck. No."

"Then change me back."

"Would if we could."

"Then find out how."

"Or what?"

"Or I can find out how deadly a duck can be."

"Okay, okay."

Barrett reluctantly lets Vincent out of the cage when Tifa walks into the room.

"Just got off the phone with Red. He says he has read something like this before."

"Get him here, now."

* * *

As Cloud, Cid and Barrett work on the machine, Vincent flies up and sits on a shelf above one of the doors.He starts to glare at Cloud as he works on the machine. 

Cloud turns and looks at Vincent.

"Can you stop it? It's putting me off."

"No."

"Then you will stay a duck."

"Fine then." Vincent turns around and starts to glare at Yuffie.

Tifa turns to Yuffie.

"Can you take him out or somewhere please Yuffie?"

"Why me?"

"Because you are the one that turned him into a duck in the first place."

"Fine," She grumbles, then turns to Vincent, "I'll will only take you out, IF you promise to be good."

"Fine." comes the reply. Vincent then jumps down and sits on Yuffies head. Yuffie tries to look up at him.

"Why are you on my head?"

"One: It's warm and quite comfy. Two: I was taller than you as a human and I aim to be so as a duck."

"You just like to call me small don't you?"

"Maybe." came the reply with a small grin.

* * *

As Yuffie took Vincent out into the town, Vincent began to realise how small he really was as a duck. All the buildings that didn't seem so tall as a human, seemed to loom over him as a duck. He started to sink lower and lower on Yuffie's head. Eventually he got so scared he whispered into Yuffie's ear:

"Can we go back now?"

"Why?"

"...Everything is really big."

Laughter.

* * *

A.N Well? What did ya think? Kinda wierd I know but as i said before I was up at 2O'clock planning this with Lorze the Brookes. So blame her. Anyway if ya liked it review. If ya didn't review anyway. I'm a big duck now. I can take anything (except big buildings!)

Die and be free or live and fight your sorrow!

DKH


	4. Barstools and Bedrooms!

**Barstools and Bedrooms**

Disclaimer same as in chapter one.

* * *

Back at 7th Heaven, Yuffie walks into the bar with Vincent sitting on her head, looking a little perturbed. Yuffie was giggling to herself as she put him down onto the floor and sat on one of the barstools. Tifa looked at her as she cleaned one of the dirty glasses with a wet rag. 

"What are you two doing back here so soon?" She asked looking at Vincent as he seemed to be having a hard time getting up onto one of the stools.

"Vinnie got scared cos everything was bigger than him!" Yuffie laughed, also amused at Vincent's failing attempts to get onto a barstool.

"I did not get scared!" Vincent argued. "Everything just got a little much as I realised how small I am as a duck."

"...scared," Yuffie mumbled under her breath. Vincent really was having a hard time getting onto the barstool. He didn't realise that he could simply fly up and sit on it. After many failed attempts and laughing on Yuffie's and Tifa's part, he got so angry and picked the stool up and threw it across the room.

"Vincent Valentine, you go pick that up, **right now!**" Tifa yelled. Vincent smirked at her.

"And if I don't?"

Tifa smiled. "I am not beyond hitting a duck."

Vincent remembered how much Tifa's punches hurt, so he waddled over to the upturned stool, put it upright and shoved it over to it's previous position.

"Thank you," Tifa smiled. Vincent nodded grimly in return. Yuffie got down off her own stool, put Vincent on her stool and sat herself onto the stool that has previously been thrown. Vincent smiled at her to show his thanks.

"I'm bored. I'm gonna go see how much the guys have found out about the duckgun," Yuffie murmers. Vincent gave her a strange look.

"Duckgun?" He asks. Yuffie looked at him.

"You think of a better name then!" She retorts.

"Chaos is saying it right now and you don't want to hear it." came the reply.

Tifa placed the glass down on the bar and followed the two through.

'I had better check on Cloud and the others.' She thought. Lord knows they must be getting up to no good. They all walk into the room where Barrett, Cloud and Cid were supposed to be working on the machine. But, funnily enough, they weren't. They were, all three of them, sitting on the couch and watching sport on the T.V. Tifa sighed and walked in front of the three men and turned off the T.V, much to the protests of Cid, Cloud and Barrett. She then glared at them, putting her hands on her hips. Yuffie walked next to her and also glared at them, crossing her arms in front of her. Vincent, sat on Yuffie's head, just glared. He then flew off Yuffie's head and landed in the space between the two girls and the couch.

"If there is no progress made in the next 24 hours, then when I turn back, you will all find yourselves on the wrong side of Death Penalty!" Vincent warned before walking back into the bar. All three of the men jumped over the back of the couch and started working on the machine.

* * *

"Tifa?" 

"Yes, Vincent?"

"Where am I going to sleep?" he asked.

"In your own bed, why?" She replied.

"He can't sleep in there, he'll be smothered by the double duvet!" came Yuffie's frantic cries.

"Then he can sleep in the cage then," Tifa resolved.

"I am not sleeping in that cage, and he has a name!" Vincent mumbled.

"You can sleep in my bed if you want to, Vinnie!" Yuffie said, excitedly.

"No."

"Well, it's either Yuffie's bed or the cage, Vincent," Tifa gave Vincent the ultimatum.

"Cage." Came the ragged reply.

"Yuffie's bed it is then." Tifa smiled.

"But I said cage..."

* * *

_Later that night..._

Vincent was sitting on Yuffie's stomach in her room. Yuffie was lying there trying to forget about the Vinnieduck on her stomach and trying to get to sleep. Eventually, Vincent, being the gentleman that he was, decided to slide off Yuffie's stomach and left his head on there. After a few minutes of this, Yuffie sleepily stroked Vincent's head. Vincent looked at ther after a while and she stopped. Beofre he could stop himself, Vincent let out a small sound of protest. Yuffie looked at him.

"Why did you stop?" He asked.

"You're not mad?" She replied.

"No, it was actually quite soothing," Vincent informed.

"OK." She said in a small voice, and started stroking his head again. Vincent sat there for another couple of minutes, quite satisfied until the stroking stopped again. Vincent turned and looked at Yuffie. She was sound asleep. Vincent thought she looked adorable.

"Sweet dreams." He said.

"You too."

* * *

A.N: So what did you think!? I know it took me ages to get this chappie up but the first time my internet went kaput and the 2nd time it wouldn't save! So this is the third time I have tried to put this up! I would appreciate any thoughts on what to call the machine cos I don't have a clue! Anyways, see y'all next time!

Die and be free or live and fight your sorrow!

DKH


End file.
